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Dream JournalI was traveling around the country in an RV with a group of friends. I'm not sure which group of friends and I never saw their faces but I knew somehow that they were my friends. Anyway, we pull into one of those RV parks, deciding it was time for a break from the grueling aspects of RVing. There was a picnic table next to our slip, so I get out and proceed to have a beer, while my RV mates decided not to leave the vehicle. As I'm sitting there enjoying my cold beer, a Coors Light if you must know, I noticed a family of three watching me from across the park. Two police officers approach me. They were part of a task force trying to catch the very family that had been staring a me earlier. For weeks no one on the task force could get close enough to the family because no of the cops drank beer. For what ever reason, this family would only associate with fellow beer drinkers. So these less than brilliant cops had tried everything and were now asking for my help. Apparently, because I drank beer they would accept me as one of their own. However, to be completely convincing, I had to change into appropriate criminal attire, khaki pants and a white T-shirt. Don't ask me why criminal types would trust someone in khakis and white, I'm just a puppet in my dreams. I was also supposed to pretend I had just gotten out of jail for income tax fraud. This would complete my disguise into the criminal world. I was working undercover for the cops and all because I drank beer. Once I changed into my uniform, I walked around the RV park for a while so I wouldn't look suspicious. I slowly made my way to the family's camp. As I approached, the old man, who I assumed was the family's father, greeted me with a smile and offered me a beer. I accepted. He had seen me drinking a beer earlier, so he knew I was cool. I'm not really sure what we talked about or if we even talked, but soon the old man's daughter approached to say hello. We too made small talk as we watched when her son dive into the lake next to their camp. He was giggling and yelling as he jumped in the water and swam about. So then daughter begins to tell me about her son's food therapy. She asked if I had ever heard of food therapy. Um, no. Her son had an addiction to "Croc-a-roos." I had never heard of that, have you? So I asked what in the hell were Croc-a-roos? She in disbelief, apparently Croc-a-roos are the most popular cereal on the planet, hadn't I ever had them? Um, no. Well, she and her father had tried so hard to get her son to stop eating the cereal with no luck, thus the need for food therapy. And while we were talking, her son bumped his head on something underwater and started to cry. And then I woke up. I was visiting my parents. While in their backyard, a car being, driven by two Cro-Magnon men, was trying to drive thru their neighbors backyard in-between chain link fences. They car tries to maneuver in a between the fences. The distance between these fences was about 3 feet. Unable to advance in further, the car turned around and proceeded to head my way. When they turned around, the entire scenery changes to a big, abandoned outdoor stadium with a dirt surface. The Neanderthal men are drive the older brown sedan on what would be the field area of this stadium. Throughout all of this commotion, Mariel Hemingway appears on the stadium surface in the path of oncoming car. It becomes apparent that the cave men are trying to kill her with their car. Immediately the police arrive to take out the crazed, killer cavemen, but the officers failed to bring their guns. Being prepared for such a situation, I had a nine-millmeter hand gun with me. I fired my first shot at the front tire, which hits, causing both men to exit the car. Although one missing link man runs away, I fire at him anyway. I managed to hit him in the chest and he drops down next to the car. The second cave man begins to chase Mariel. I emptied out the entire clip finally hitting the cave man in the head with the last bullet. Although several officers were present at the scene, we had to wait for the other police to show up. In the process of waiting, I walk back to the stadium locker room, which happens to be the latest set for the MTV's Real World. I decided to take a shower while I wait for the police to arrive. My sister arrives to tell me that the Mardi Gras parade passing in front of the set will be over soon and that I should hurry. Then I woke up. Henry and I were walking to high school. As we approached the school, a crowd of people gather around us. It's obvious we were the cool kids, everyone wanted to hear what we had to say. So Henry starts to blab on about Beth, while I spotted a cute, young Chinese guy. I make my way through the crowd and get his attention. I asked him, "do you have a girlfriend?" and he responds no. So I say, "you want one?" He just kinda gives me this blank stare, which I can completely understand. So then I start asking him about high school. He tells me that he's actually in college. I immediately pipe up "great, do you go to LSU because I work there?" It seems that I frightened the young man into complete silence. He refused to tell me what college he attended. Next, I'm in a class where the cheerleaders are performing their latest routine. As the crowd watches, I begin make smart ass comments to those sitting next to me. Everybody laughs at my cracks except one girl. She starts rambling on about how it's mean for me to make fun of them since they worked so hard on there routine. I now find myself in the bathroom. I've picked a toilet that has no stall, it's just out in the open. As if I'd ever choose a toilet without walls, this is a dream. One side of the bathroom had toilets with stalls and the other side was without. While I'm there, a girl I know comes in and goes into the toilet directly across from me, but it's got walls. After she shuts the door, she says, "I need to talk to you." I give her the go ahead and she proceeds to lay on the floor underneath the stall door and prop her head up with her hand. How bizarre. She's having a slumber party but on the bathroom floor. She tells me that she's always the first on to laugh at my jokes, but making fun of the cheerleaders was wrong. Henry and I are now in math class were the cheerleaders are putting on a skit. Why are they doing a skit in math class? I've never seen a skit during math class. How can you act out Calculus? Anyway, they had five different parts to the skit. Once the second scene begins it becomes clear they are making fun of me and then make fun of Henry in the third. And then I woke up. I'm back in college and one of my professors has given the class an assignment to investigate the correlation between ghosts and damp rotten wood in older homes. To the conscious mind this sounds like a completely insane project, but while dreaming everything makes sense in a very bizarre way. Anyway, I needed to locate an older house in town that I could observe for ghost activity. After several hours of unsuccessful hunting, I finally come upon an older white house on campus. As I approached the house, a young college guy comes out to greet me. After I explain my situation, he lets me in to view the status of wood in his home. As luck would have it, all the floors in this two-story house are damp and rotten. In fact, the entire house is only made up of damp rotten wood. There isn't even any sheet rock on the walls or tile on the floor. It basically looks like a house ready for demolition. The owner is ok with idea of me observing his house for supernatural occurrences, but he's on duty as a Navy shoreman in the evenings from 9pm to 11pm. For reasons I still don't understand, he wouldn't let me observe the house unless I worked an extra shift for him that evening from 1am to 3am. So basically I've just got to work for him and then I can have free reign over the house. I proceeded to ask him what are the job responsibilities of a Navy shoreman. He replies something like, "we just do shoreman stuff." I was concerned that everyone at the Navy warehouse would realize that I wasn't him and send me home. Apparently no one at the Navy cared. Then I started to wonder if his uniform would fit me. Then I arrived at the Navy warehouse, pretending to be a Navy shoreman although it's obvious I'm a Navy shorewoman. No one even notices me. In fact I did some Navy type things like playing cards and filing. Who knew being a shoreman was so easy? After my shift, I headed over to the house to begin my observation. While I was gone, the young owner of the house had replaced all the damp rotten wood with new carpet. He thanked me for working an extra shift for him, which gave him the time he needed to recarpet the house. And then I woke up. I was grocery shopping with my best friend and her soon to be ex husband. I really can't explain why the three of us were shopping, but we were. Anyway, somehow I get put in charge of the buggy. It's my job to push it around and stuff. Eventually, I get separated from those two and decide I had better pick up some beef (it's what's for dinner). I spent an enormous amount of time looking over the meat selections in the case. After making a few selections, I finally made my way to a check-out counter, but Sheila and James were no where to be found. I started placing the groceries on the belt when I noticed I had picked up two packages of round steak. I proceeded to stare at the two packages trying to decide which cut of meat looked better and which one had less fat. Right about then, Sheila and James finally make and appearance and are not happy with the counter I am currently using. They want me to switch check out counters. So, I load the buggy back up and head over to them...... Next thing I know, I'm hiking in the woods with James. It was a popular hiking trail, so it was well worn. As we walked along, I saw a pair of very weird footprints in the mud. As I got closer, I noticed the footprints were filled with black water. Right about then we saw the strange creatures that made the footprints. OK, this sounds really weird, but here's a description of the creatures - imagine a mutant cross between a beaver and a nutra-rat about the size of big dog. However, the mutant walked upright. There were two of these creatures walking side by side, like lovers taking a stroll. Here's where it gets really weird. Each wore a light pink dress with tiny white flowers and each had a pink backpack on over their shoulders. So I've got mutant big beavers walking like humans with pink dresses and pink backpacks. James and I decide it's probably best to move out of their way. Any animal that looks that strange could be trouble. We step off of the trail and let them pass. Once they were about five feet in front of us, James decides we should follow them. And as if they heard us, the creatures turn around with their big beaver teeth and hiss at us. Needless to say, we let them go ahead. Since we're stupid humans, we decide to follow them anyway. At the end of the trail, two enormous iron gates block our path. The mutant beavers are now standing in front of the gate holding spears when they turn into naked tribesmen. They yell at us in strange language, shake their spears at us and..... then I woke up. I was working for Microsoft. Apparently, I worked for Bill Gates himself. I'm not really sure what my job position was or what my duties were, but I worked for Bill. I'm called into his huge office - I'm talking really big. His office was the size of my apartment. Anyway, Bill never conducts a meeting without his secretary in the room. She was an older, portly lady. Somehow, I know why I was there. I was to answer the question Bill has asked me earlier. I began my answer with, "Well, Mr. Gates, in answer to your question..." He didn't let me finish. He looks over to his secretary and says, "did I just hear that? Did she call me Mr. Gates?" almost in disbelief. His secretary chimes in, "oh, yes I believe so. Dear, we don't call him Mr. Gates, we call him Bill. I'm afraid you'll now have to do the dance." I was very confused. His secretary leads me out of his office into a dressing room filled with mannequins. Each mannequin wore a pair of white boxers and white t-shirt. I was informed that I had to change into a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and go dance for Bill. It was my punishment for calling him Mr. Gates. But I wasn't just any dance, it was silly dance. I had to create a silly dance to do for Bill in boxers and a tee. Bill Gates or not, I was not putting on boxers to go dance for that man. We argued for a while and she conceded that I could unbutton my jeans and untuck my shirt. So, I went into Bill's office with an untucked shirt and unbuttoned jeans and did the silliest dance I could think of, the snoopy dance. Then I woke up. |
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