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31 October
True Stories
A handful of employees acutally wore costumes to work today...I was not one
of those people. These are there stories as told to the photographer.
Not only is Happy Hour Harry is a drunk but she/he a also a camera hog.
Send me your captions for these photos.
posted by Whitey on 1:47 PM
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Little Black Dog...I heart you
While waiting for my Dad to come over and repair my leaky bathtub faucet,
I played with Fritter in the back yard. One of my neighbor's dogs heard all
the commotion and decided to join us. It seems my neighbors have acquired
a new dog; I'll call him little black dog (LBD) since I don't know his name.
They also have an annoying, not so cute, dog I like to call Meddie. It's a
mix between Max and Eddie because way back they had two dogs of the same breed
that I could never tell apart. I simplified things with Meddie.
Anyway, LBD slipped out of their yard. And trying to be a good neighbor, I
brought LBD back to his yard. I barely know my neighbors but I'd want someone
to do the same for me if Fritter got out. So LBD is back in his yard and I
watch him slip out of a hole between the fence and the house. I put LBD back
in his yard and block the hole with a piece of firewood. I've done my good
deed for the day.
Fritter and I are inside now, when LBD makes an appearance at my front door.
I decided to keep LBD with me until my neighbors get home. That was my idea;
Fritter's idea was to chase LBD around the yard, nonstop. Time for a new plan.
I bring LBD back to his yard, watching and waiting for his escape. It seems
he discovered a hole in the chain link fence. I grab LBD again and go with
him in the back yard to take a look at the hole. Maybe, just maybe, I can
put something in front of it to prevent his magical escapes.
I felt really creepy being in my neighbor's back yard without them knowing,
but I was on a mission. After a proper examination, I decided to block the
fence hole with a stack of bricks I dug up from the front yard. Five minutes
later I had constructed wall-o-brick in front of the hole. I intended to catch
up with my neighbors later on in the evening just to let them I know about
LBD and his escapes, but have been unable to do so yet. I'm not sure they
came home last night.
It's been approximately 24 hours since my fun filled day with LBD and I miss
him. He was just the right size for holding and loving, not that Fritter isn't,
but I liked carrying a small dog around in my arms getting LBD luv kisses.
posted by Whitey on 12:07 PM
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30 October
Day Off
No work for me today. Nope, I'm relaxing the comfort of my own home, watching
a trashy soap opera while Fritter sleeps at my feet. I've already made the
obligatory trip to Wal-Mart this morning. In addition to my usual items, I
wanted to pick up a long blond wig for my Halloween costume. Wal-Mart has
been sucked dry of most costume items, so I'll hit a few specialty stores
later today.
Did you know old people take over Wal-Mart during the daylight hours? Well
they do. It's a haven for those over the age of 55. I felt like I was in bizarro
world. That being said, shopping in the early morning hours rocks. People
seem much more relaxed and care free during the day. Perhaps that's what being
surrounded by old people will do to you. You lose the will to rush.
The animals are enjoying the day off as well. Instead of being outside, Fritter
is in sleeping and Muffin is out frolicking, stalking squirrels.
I'm off to enjoy my day off.
posted by Whitey on 11:52 AM
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29 October
Stinky Squirrel
Dead squirrel is toxic. I neglected to put the trash out Monday morning,
so the dead squirrel in the plastic bag is stinking up the garbage can. I
have to mouth breathe when adding additional trash to the can. The smell lingers
in the air long after I've recapped it. I brought it to the curb tonight only
after dumping some PineSol in the can. I hope the PineSol can counteract some
of the smell so the garbage men won't hate me.
I need Halloween to get here already. There's so much candy at work right
now I'm entering the first stages of a diabetic coma. Common sense or even
will power would dictate not to eat the candy, but I can't help it. Strangely
enough I've been tempted by the chalky hard candy, such as Smarties, Candy
Cigarettes, and SweetTarts. Add in several blow pops & bubble gum and you've
just completed my lunch today. Well that's just a lie, I had pizza. Nevertheless,
I need some sort of candy intervention.
posted by Whitey on 10:57 PM
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Fritter's Game
Of the many games we play, one of my favorites is called I'm gonna get
your butt." It's important that I mention the game name to Fritter before
we begin playing, so she knows the objective of the game.
My goal in this game is to catch Fritter and lift her up underneath her stomach
near the back legs. Then I yell "I got your butt!" I figure it's close enough
to her butt to call it the butt game. Her objective is stop me from sneaking
around her and lifting her up.
As you can imagine there's a lot of running throughout the house. She runs,
I chase her; I catch her, lift her up and we start over. She spends most of
this game running around in circles trying to prevent me from getting
her butt.
I desperately need a digital camera. I've got so many ideas for pictures to
accompany my posts. Here's keeping my fingers crossed for Christmas.
posted by Whitey on 2:13 PM
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28 October
Danger Will Robinson
I own a gun. In fact, I'm proud to say I own a gun. As a responsible owner,
and daughter of an ex-marine, I've learned proper gun safety, how to shoot
and clean it. However, I'm always creeped out and nervous when I actually
have to remove it from the holster. It's a hard feeling to explain unless
you've had to do so.
I can remember two other occasions when I had to do so and it's not a pleasant
feeling. A gun makes you feel powerful, maybe a bit invincible. That quickly
fades to fear and adrenaline, because you know what can actually happen if
you pull the trigger. However, if it comes down to an intruder, or me it's
going to be the intruder.
You only pull a gun out if you're prepared to use it and last night I was
prepared to use it. I refuse to feel threatened in my own home. I won't allow
it.
There is, of course, a story to go along with the drastic statement mentioned
above, but I'm not ready share it yet.
Now that I've freaked out every single reader, tune in tomorrow when I'll
try to post something witty, not scary.
posted by Whitey on 2:52 PM
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27 October
Once Upon A Time
I once knew a girl who always seems attracted drunk guys. No matter what
situation she was in, there was always a drunk guy there to hit on her. It's
like she had a beacon for drunkards to follow. So what does this have to do
with me and my blog? Absolutely nothing...except I'm just like that girl but
with drama instead of a drunk.
Let me explain. Out of everyone on this Earth, I produce the least amount
of drama known to mankind. I like to keep things simple and uncomplicated.
But since I don't produce any detectable amount of personal drama, the drama
of others bleeds into my life. I'm usually not involved enough to get mixed
up with stuff (this sounds like a drug psa), but do to my relationships with
others, their drama plants its evil roots around me.
I've learned to recognize the danger signs of a drama queen, so I stay away.
But what if the drama queen wasn't always a queen. Let's say she started a
drama elf, then she slowly transformed into a drama midget. And then midget
turned into a dwarf. You get the idea...I hope. The transformation was so
slow that you got used to the drama in small bits. Eventually bunches of small
bits are lumped turn into big bits, but it's ok because you've now grown used
to it and it all seems ok. It seems this parable is much like Napoleon's tolerance
to Arsenic. Before you know it, you're dead.
The elf is now a queen, the queen is crazy and I'm a fool.
Do you understand what I'm talking about?
posted by Whitey on 7:58 PM
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26 October
TSD weekend
I spent more time with my karate pals this weekend than I did at home. Saturday
was testing and Sunday was our party.
While I always look forward to moving up in the belt system, I don't look
forward to the test. The whole testing experience is stressful. I remember
being totally freaked out when I was a white belt testing for yellow. It was
the fear of not knowing what was expected back then. Now I know what is expected,
but I worry about not performing at my best. Although I felt my performance
was for crap, our instructor informed us everyone did really well.
Today we had a party at our instructor's house. It's always fun to see people
in real clothes. I get so used to seeing others in their uniform, you forget
people look normal most of the time. I got a lot of compliments on my hair
tonight. I fix it the same every day, but usually by the time class starts,
the toils of the day have wreaked havoc on my hair.
I had a good time at the party getting to know my fellow students outside
of karate. I've learned that we are a bunch of drunks. Ah yes good times.
Except for the creepy guy I'll call Scott. Scott is not a student but a friend
of a black belt and has made several appearances at some of our karate functions.
This guy really creeps me out. He likes to invade my personal space, stare
at me from across the room, and make inappropriate comments. It's unnerving
to look up from your conversation to see creepy guy staring at you from across
the room. It's equally as weird to have him constantly invade my space. You're
only allowed to invade my personal space if I like you...and I do not like
you - Scott.
Maybe he doesn't realize how bizarre he comes across to others. Hell, maybe
I'm just sensitive to creepy guy's weirdness. Or maybe that's his thing, creeping
me out. I did catching him staring at another woman at the party, but I never
saw him talk to her.
Next time, I'm gonna "accidentally" throw a low block to the groin.
Stay away creepy guy before I make you stay away.
posted by Whitey on 9:24 PM
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23 October
Bum Thumb
As I walked out the house for karate this evening, Muffin scurries back in
with something furry in her mouth. At first I decide to leave and deal with
the mouse later, but reconsider, not knowing if the mouse was alive or not.
I find Muffin in her room with her catch of the day...it was not a mouse but
a squirrel. She plopped that big old squirrel down near her food bowl and
began to play with its corpse. Not wanting squirrel parts in the house, or
a blood covered Muffin, I grab a plastic bag, pick up the furry creature and
toss it outside in the bushes. After karate I disposed of the squirrel. Ick.
I guess my mind wasn't focused on karate this evening, because I managed to
blank on several moves that should come naturally. We were concentrating on
our forms this evening in preparation for our Sat test. I couldn't remember
the moves that I've been practicing for 6 months. On top of that, when practicing
our one step sparring, I didn't tuck my thumb in properly and it got smacked.
This is the same thumb that I injured back in June. You never really know
how important your right thumb is until it's swollen and you can move it.
Hopefully the swelling will go down so I can make a proper fist Sat
I was feeling confident about the vocabulary portion of our test until we
were told be prepared for anatomy questions. We must be able to identify human
anatomy in Korean. I've got to know the body parts from the waist up by Sat
morning.
However Henry did leave me an enticing message about rolling around in bread.
posted by Whitey on 11:09 PM
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The wonders of Bread
I'm having one of those days today, so when Henry called with sexual favors
to cheer me up, I couldn't help but laugh.
After trying to woo me to his place and not getting a positive response, he
says, "come over, we can roll around on bread." This is a bizarre statement
even for Henry. I explain to him that most people introduce things like chocolate
syrup, honey or even whipped cream into sex, but not bread. Does bread even
qualify as an erotic food?
I figure he was trying to tempt me with carbs since I'm living the carb free
life. Oh I know how to get her over here, bread!
I decide to play along with his weirdness and suggest he buy several loaves
of various bread types to mix it up. How about a loaf of French bread, Italian,
whole wheat, maybe throw in a dinner roll or two.
After about two minutes of my bread tirade, he goes "what in the hell are
you talking about?" And I counter with rolling around on bread! He starts
to laugh and tells me he said - roll around on the bed.
All this time I thought he was a perv, but maybe it's me.
posted by Whitey on 3:51 PM
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22 October
Pearls
We had our first "Team Leaders" meeting at work today. And yes, since you
asked, I am a team leader...lucky me. Before things got started, everyone
started sharing their latest work related reading material. IT team leader
is reading "Leadership". Tech Support team leader is reading "Better customer
service." I'm reading "Dogbert's Top Secret Management Handbook." It seems
some team leaders don't understand the nature of leadership. I was the only
one asked to share my book with others when done.
Useful book quote #1 "When you fax a piece of paper, your original piece of
paper does not actually travel through the phone lines. Nor can you save on
travel expenses by faxing yourself to a distant location."
I visited the fancy super wal-mart this evening. I've classified this wal-mart
as fancy because, well, it is. I feel high class when shopping at this location.
The others are all ghetto. After a visit from an unexpected visitor last night,
I made it a point to pick up some non-atkins nibbles for others. Next time,
I'll be able to offer something other than water to my guests. Speaking of
Atkins, I've dropped another 3 lbs. Woo-hoo.
Heading home after my shopping spree, I'm rocking out to NIN. I'm feeling
like quite the badass with the windows down and the music up. I swear I hear
a kitten meow in the middle of a song. I dismiss it as a sound effect in the
song. I hear it again. I start to panic. Holy crap, somehow a kitten got trapped
in/on my Jeep. How in the hell did that happen? There was not kitten before
I got to wal-mart. Some helpless animal is trapped!! Gah! Just as I'm about
to pull over, I noticed the school bus of teenage girls two lanes over. As
I turned down the music, my mysterious kitten was actually 30 tween girls
screaming. How quickly my bad-assness fades.
Useful book quote#2: "Nothing inspires an employee quite like the thrill of
receiving a certificate of appreciation. It's not the value of the item that
matters, it's the message that it communicates. Specifically the inspirational
message is this: You are as valuable as this certificate."
posted by Whitey on 9:32 PM
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E dan dwi chi gi
We practiced a new technique last night...jumping spinning back kick. My
jumping skills are terrific; my spin back kick rocks. However the two moves
together are a recipe for disaster.
I have a tendency to be a spaz when learning new moves. Ok that's not true,
I'm a spaz most of the time with any move. But after repeated practice, I
can hide my inner spaz, just not when new techniques are involved.
After class last night my abdomen hurt like hell. Today my lower back and
shoulders are screaming in pain.
After the torture of basics, we worked on hol sin sols (grabs/releases). I
finally felt like a senior belt after spending 20 minutes assisting an orange
belt with his moves. He was impressed with my wrist twists and how it felt
like his 'wrists were going to break.' I've always viewed my wrist moves as
sub par, but after taking him down repeated with little or no effort, I feel
like an accomplished martial artist.
posted by Whitey on 12:38 PM
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Tv holic
I'm not ashamed to admit that I love watching tv. Tuesday night has my favorite
tv viewing evening.
I got hooked on the ESPN drama Playmakers this summer. It's basically a soap
opera about football players. I feel like I'm getting an insider's peak at
professional football, while checking out semi-naked men. Good times.
Then there's Nip/Tuck. This is the best show on television right now. It's
all about the world of these ethically challenged plastic surgeons, their
cases and their sex lives. I've also developed a liking to Law and Order:SVU.
I've got a thing for cop shows.
Here's how the line up works:
8pm : Playmakers
9pm : Law & Order:SVU
10pm: Nip/Tuck
But I want to work in Real World, Newlyweds, and Joe Schmoe. On top of that,
VH1 is showing I love the 80's strike back. I wanna watch all of them, in
one night.
posted by Whitey on 12:35 AM
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20 October
Bunches of Nothing
I managed to prime the kitchen cabinets this weekend. I've almost got an
entire coat on the kitchen. My goal is to have it painted before Christmas.
However, I still haven't picked out a color yet.
The police are still investigating the tire incident. Maybe I don't know a
lot about law enforcement, but spending 1 month on this case seems unusually
long. My supervisor has asked me not to replace my tire until the case is
closed. I need to make some long-distance trips in the near future, but can't
until I get my spare replaced.
After all my yapping about training for a 5k, I've decided to postpone my
training for a week. With my upcoming karate test this Sat, I feel that the
additional strain from jogging 3 days a week will affect my test. I can't
afford to be sore on testing day. I'm testing for 4th gup, which basically
means green belt with 2 red stripes. I know my techniques, but need to work
on my Korean terminology.
Kwan soo anyone?
posted by Whitey on 11:16 AM
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19 October
Apple Green and Mary
My parents are in the process of painting the outside of their house. For
years the house was a pleasant pale yellow with green trim. Now their house
is apple green. This color might sound like a good color...that is until you
actually see this color.
I think it looks like smashed green peas, with a dash of puke green, which
basically achieves the look of a glowing greenish-yellow. What was she thinking?
My Dad has no thoughts of his own on the color. His only concern was if Mom
wanted him to repaint the house based on my opinion. Even after I ranted about
how loud and freakish the house looks, she maintained the party line of 'it
looked nice in the store.' OK, but it looks like crap on your house! Hello?
Religous fanatics have nothing on my parents. I'm serious. The older they
get the more religious they get. I swear they were normal when I was growing
up. OK, maybe not normal but semi-normal...er more normal than they are now.
Anyway, they've got the makings of a fine shrine right now. You heard me,
a shrine.
The following objects are located on 1 wall in the family room.
- 1 framed picture of Jesus with accompaning framed picture of Mary
- 2 ceramic mary statues on the wood burning stove
- 4 ceramic angel statues surrounding the mary statues
- a 3.5 foot ceramic mary with her own table, surrounded by roses
(located between the stove and the tv)
- a 3x5 black velvet painting of jesus with a crown of thorns
- a 40lb cross with special stand
- 1 posterboard of jesus holding infant fetus
See, it classifies as a shrine. Shame on me for making fun of this but I'm
really on overload. It just not normal.
posted by Whitey on 9:36 PM
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17 October
Cheese
Today is t-shirt day at work. I didn't wear mine, so I've been added digitally.
Honestly my caricature looks better than me. The cartoon me does surly way
better than I've ever done.
posted by Whitey on 2:49 PM
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16 October
Maybe later
I think I was born a procrastinator. I've become quite good at not doing
things. In fact, it takes a refined talent to postpone so many things to a
later date. Waiting is a crucial part of putting things off; it bothers some
people - not me. I enjoy the waiting.
Growing up my Dad would tell me I could win a procrastination contest, except
my delay in filing out the entry form would prohibit me for entering. But
what does he know? He also wanted to know if I'd ever consider joining the
French Foreign Legion, but that's a different story.
Procrastination is not laziness.
I really don't mind doing stuff, just not right now...later on...maybe much
later on. For example, the kitchen always needs to be cleaned. As long as
I eat food, the dishes get dirty. I like to let the dishes soak before I clean
them. Soak as in, I'll get to those later. I soak all my dishes; I soak them
for days. I need to make sure they're easy to clean whenever the time comes.
I generally wait until I've got a batch of dishes to do before I tackle the
kitchen. Where's the sense in washing one plate and cup each night? Do them
all at once. I call this my Band-Aid Philosophy.
Another procrastination technique I employee concerns the clothes. I do not
like folding clothes, never have, never will. Instead I take them out of the
dryer and put them on the big stuffed chair in the living room. I put pile
after pile on that chair in the hopes that I can wear or use all the items
on the chair without ever having to fold them. Inevitably this concept fails,
but it does not deter me.
As expected I've got several piles of clean clothes on the big stuffed chair.
As you remember, Fritter found her way to that chair the other night. After
successfully orchestrating her attempts for two nights, Muffin is now enthralled
by the chair and clothes on it. I'm being tag teamed by the pets. I love my
animals, but I don't love their fur on my clean clothes. I guess what I'm
saying is that I've got to fold clothes...soon. And by soon I mean later on.
posted by Whitey on 9:55 PM
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15 October
Furry Lard butt
I took a stick of butter out so it could soften while I baked a frozen potato.
Fritter managed to snatch the butter when I walked out of the room. She ate
an entire stick of butter. Miss eat's stuff she shouldn't, is now laying on
the kitchen floor with what I presume is a stomach ache.
You'd think I would learn my lesson about leaving food on the kitchen counter
with Fritter and her long snout in the house. So far this year she's managed
to sneak away with a raw hamburger patty, half a block of cheese, half a sleeve
of chocolate chip cookies, two pieces of pizza, and a biscuit.
Sometimes she sneaks into Muffin's room and eats her food. Then she runs back
to her bowl and guards it in case Muffin gets the bright idea to check out
her dog food. It cracks me up to watch her watch Muffin. She gets so jealous
of the cat, her food and the fact that she gets to sleep in the bed with me.
Fritter is not allowed in the back bedrooms, however Muffin has the run of
the house. Every night before I go to bed, I have to put barstools on the
sofas to prevent Fritter from sleeping on top. This morning I discovered Fritter
sleeping on the big stuffed chair that holds my clean clothes until I fold
them. So she spends the day outside in the dirt, sleeping in grass, rolling
in dirt or straching on concrete and then jumps on my clean clothes to sleep.
Last Christmas I bought her a large soft dog bed. She peed on it as soon as
I put it down. Literally, I put it down, walked out of the room, came back
and she had peed on it. She'll sleep on the pee bed but only if every other
option, ie people furniture, is covered.
I think my dog needs mental counseling. Or maybe it's me, maybe I need dog
counseling.
posted by Whitey on 10:05 PM
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14 October
Ug!
Why me?
It seems I have made my way back on the rotating hating list. It's been one
of those days where I can't seem to do anything right. I'm in quicksand, the
harder I try, the deeper I sink.
I pulled out a few 'Dilbert Management Books' looking for a solution to my
problems. And there, right on page two I found it, the advice I need to follow
- 'Follow orders blindly without thinking.'
It seems made the mistake of thinking. Well consider this new leaf turned
--->flip.
No thinking for me.
No siree, not me.
Thinking is for losers.
posted by Whitey on 8:16 PM
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13 October
Forrest Gump
I've decided to start jogging on the days I don't go to karate. I'm trying
to build my cardio for karate. My techniques are getting better with each
class, but my stamina isn't improving. I thought about going to a few more
classes, but everything I read says cross-training is the way to go. Plus,
running burns serious calories. I'm back on Atkins as of yesterday. I even
baked the $6 Atkins Country White Bread I bought in April. In case your wondering,
bread without flour and made with soy is nasty.
I needed some type of instruction being a beginning runner and all. So I visited
a few running websites today and I now have a training schedule. I'm following
a training for a 5k. According to the running experts, if I follow this plan,
in 9 weeks I'm ready to run in a 5k. I might give the Turkey Trot a go in
November if I'm feeling adventurous or dumb, whichever is more appropriate.
Seems like a good idea to take Fritter with me on my runs. We usually go on
nightly walks, so I figure, we'd walk our usual blocks to give her time to
sniff and poop then do some jogging. Have I mentioned that Fritter is not
trained? does not listen? does whatever she wants whenever she wants?
Tonight was the first and last time she goes jogging with me. After walking
for 20 minutes, sniffing, peeing, pooping, I figured she'd be too worn out
to pull me around like a rag doll while running. I was wrong. Fritter does
not like to jog at my speed. She's got her own dog pace which is must faster
than my slow ass pace. I should have known this woundn't work. I can barely
control her on walks much less runs. I had to drop her off at home and then
continue my training.
posted by Whitey on 11:23 PM
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I'm Lazy
I did a whole bunch of nothing today. I couldn't get motivated to knock out
anything on my projects list. I slept until 11:30 and then sat in front of
the tv for hours. I did manage to take Fritter for a walk.
Yesterday I went to Sat morning karate class. I'm trying to work on perfecting
my forms before testing in two weeks. I also got to practice my break. I'll
be doing a running, flying side kick to get my next stripe. I practiced on
a weighted bag and seemed to get the motion/technique worked out. That is
until a black belt told me my running steps were choppy and small. Hey, that's
how I run, choppy and small. So I had to practice my kick with large, non-choppy
steps. I seemed to get the hang of it, but beleive me, if I'm attacked and
need to throw a running, flying sidekick, I'm using choppy short steps.
posted by Whitey on 11:01 PM
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10 October
Donnie Jones Underwear
My dream this morning:
I was wearing a pair of translucent jeans. That's right, translucent demin
jeans. I'm such a visionary in my dream. Anyway, I was also wearing a white
t-shirt that was kinda short. Not a crop top, or midrift, but the shirt stopped
right above my waist. I'm on my way to a donut shop with a gay male friend.
I really don't have any gay male friends, er...at least not that I know of.
As we're on our way out, he asks me if I'm wearing "Donnie Jones Underwear."
Well, it seems I was wearing DJW. My gay male friend tells me that my jeans
are too low and the underwear tag is showing. He thinks I need to pull my
jeans up. Strangely enough he doesn't have a problem with my translucent jeans
and the fact that you can see all of my underwear. However, revealing the
tag is unacceptable.
I've been trying to figure out what in the hell "Donnie Jones Underwear" means.
Get this, Donnie Jones is the name of the LSU punter. I remember reading this
article about him yesterday in the paper. It must have made an impression
because in addition to playing football, going to college, he also designs
women's underwear.
posted by Whitey on 5:45 PM
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04 October
Long-sleeve polo type shirt with a cotton blend
I spent most of the day in search of that illusive cotton blend polo shirt.
BTW, it doesn't exist. Every polo-styled shirt is 100% cotton. There was one
shirt that offered 95% cotton, 5% misc, but that one doesn't count.
My sister always seems to send on me on a mission to find the most obscure
item. One time it was liquid washing detergent, with no additives, no fragrance,
no color and in a special size. I went to three grocery stores, the dollar
general store, and Wal-mart. As it turns out, only one place in town sells
this brand, the store 6 blocks from her house. I have countless stories of
the specific items send requests me to get for gifts and/or to pick up for
her.
Anyway, back to the polo excursion. I went to every store in the mall that
sold men's clothing and not one blended polo shirt could be found. I called
my sister for clarification about the shirt, she insisted it only needed to
be made of 'rough' material, not soft material and 100% cotton was ok.
Since I was already in Sears, I stopped by the automotive section to get a
price on my tire. One tire, mounted & balanced = $195. My search for a cheaper
price continues.
posted by Whitey on 9:27 PM
106546348382299313
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03 October
I'm not paranoid
After reading the previous posts you might think I'm insane, but I'm hear
to tell ya, I'm not crazy.
After thinking things over, I decided to call campus police. After listening
to my story, as well as my theories, examining my tire, they believe there
is "suspicious" activity concerning my tire.
Stay tuned for updates at they occur.
posted by Whitey on 4:19 PM
106541065084632205
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02 October
See Spot Stalk
Muffin has a stalker. Her stalker is this little black and white spotted
cat about half her size. Let's call her stalker Spot. So Spot takes every
opportunity to harass Muffin. Spot waits for Muffin in the driveway, underneath
the Jeep, in the bushes, in the front yard...you get the picture. The other
night, around 2am I heard scratching on the bedroom window. When I get up
to invesigate, there's Spot sitting on the window ease looking in at me. Spot
is a crafty one.
The other night in karate, we were filmed for a local tv show. The host does
this bit where he switches professions with someone for a day. He got to be
a black belt karate instructor for a day. Someone must have loaned their do
bak to him for the shoot. I've never seen someone look more inapproripate
for a black belt uniform than this guy. As a rule, we remove all jewerly,
including watches and wedding rings, as to not injury ourselves or each other.
Someone neglected to let Scott know this. During the shoot, he wore a gold
chain with a gold encrust cross that was so big, P. Diddy would be proud.
He also wore two rings, one of them a pinky ring. And lastly, he left on his
giantic metal Rolex looking watch. Personally I'm at a loss why any man would
weare a pinky ring. But in Scott's defense, he is British, that should explain
it.
posted by Whitey on 10:03 AM
106510703129813733
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01 October
Sherlock Holmes
Ok, I refuse to let this tire thing go. After speaking with my Dad last night
about the tire fiasco, he completely believes it's possible that someone slashed
my tire. I don't care what tire guy said, if my Dad said something it's got
to be true. Right?
After fleshing out some details, and speaking with others, I am now ready
to present my evidence of a malicious attach on my Jeep.
- I just don't buy a random act of destruction by a stranger.
Why was my Jeep targeted out of all the vehicles in the lot? Why only one
cut one tire? If you want to disable me, why not slash two tires or all
four. It obvious by looking at the jeep that I have a full-size working
spare. By only puncturing one tire, I'm temporarily stranded until the spare
is mounted. Two or more tires ruined leaves me debilitated.
- Therefore, I think the attacker knows me. And I think the attacker was
compassionate enough not to ruin more than one tire.
- I think the attacker was mad at me and was seeking a satisfactory revenge.
Unable to achieve a verbal or physical revenge, a monetary revenge coupled
with a roadside emergency seems just about right.
- I think the attacker knew I was going to the airport and wouldn't be alone
when the flat occurred.
- Therefore, I think the attacker was a woman. I say this because universally
women are more compassionate than men. However I don't think this woman
was strong enough to penetrate the tire...I think she got a male friend
to help her.
- This male friend would know puncture the side of the tire because it cannot
be repaired and/or covered under the warranty.
- I think the attacker knew to puncture the top of the tire. The air pressure
remains intact until the puncture has rotated to the bottom. This explains
how I lost all tire pressure in less than 30 seconds sitting at the red
light.
- My Jeep was parked in such a manner where I could not see the passenger
side tire upon vehicle entry. Therefore I wouldn't notice if the tire was
slightly low.
- There was no evidence of a nail or any other object in the tire.
I know it's all circumstantial and somewhat nutty, but so is the woman who did
this.
posted by Whitey on 8:36 AM
106504372754248773
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