What do you need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals.

Well, maybe if he'd had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him.

30 November

It's the great pumpkin...kitchen

So I painted my kitchen today. Technically the color is called Mulling Spice, however it looks pumpkinish. It's not really a bad color; in fact it kinda grows on you. That said, too much pumpkin is bad for any kitchen.

I picked out this neat little card from Home Depot that had Mulling Spice along with 3 complementary colors. Mulling Spice totally rocks on the card, not so much on the walls. I've come up with a plan to lighten the pumpkin. Next weekend I'll be sponging a lighter creamish color on top of the pumpkin.

Muffin noticed the new wall color immediately. I think she even stared at the kitchen for several minutes. Fritter didn't notice or maybe she just doesn't care.

This painting project has enlightened me to the true nature of idiots that work at Home Depot. The painting "experts" at HD couldn't answer any of my questions. I stumped them with the following question: what is painting technique called double rolling? In response all I got was blank stares. The HD newspaper flyer I got early last week clearly stated: painting technique used: double rolling.

I didn't figure this would stump the entire department...it was advertised...in a national flyer.

ramblings by Whitey on 10:17 PM
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28 November

This Is My Brain

brain usage test

Your Brain Usage Profile
Auditory : 35%
Visual : 64%
Left : 56%
Right : 43%


Whitey, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.

Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself.

Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem.
Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.

You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole."

With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darndest times.

ramblings by Whitey on 10:35 PM
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Geaux Tigers

By some mathematical equation we have a shot at the national title. We need some luck to get there, but it's technically possible. Next week is the SEC championship game. I foresee a lot of beer drinking next Sat evening.

The weather has turned cold again. I'm bundled up on the couch, with thick socks, sweat pants and a flannel cow shirt. Muffin is sleeping next me and Fritter is at my feet. We make a cozy bunch.

I did a smidge of Christmas shopping today, but I only bought stuff for me. I DID think about things to get other people, I just didn't buy anything for other people.

My second container of gravy arrived today. Mmmmm, gravy. I also got my big ole steak today.


ramblings by Whitey on 10:17 PM
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27 November

Gooble, gooble

I love everything about Thanksgiving but my favorite is the gravy. I like my turkey and rice to swim in gravy. Mmmmm, gravy.

There was a gravy incident on the way home today. The lid was not completed attached on my to-go container packed by Mom. By the time I go home, all the gravy was pooled in the bottom of the bag. Mom has promised me more gravy tomorrow. I can't be expected to eat turkey and rice without gravy, can I?

My contribution to the feast was whipped sweet potatoes. In addition to the sweet potatoes, I threw in some brown sugar, PET milk, cinn, and pumpkin pie spices. Yummy, yummy in my tummy.

I've experienced carb overload this week. A few wayward rolls made it on my plate, then into my stomach. Oh how I love rolls. Yesterday morning I had biscuits and Tuesday morning I had pancakes. Oh how I love carbs, however my body is revolting. Although I ate my weight in turkey, rice and sweet potatoes, I went to bed hungry. I need a big ole steak.

Steak on Thanksgiving, hmmm maybe next year.


ramblings by Whitey on 9:50 PM
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26 November

Strangers With Candy

I get to spend the rest of the holidays with Jerri Blank, Mr. Noblet, Mr. Jellineck and Principal Blackman. My DVD finally arrived! Strangers With Candy is the best television show on DVD...ever.

Jerri Blank is a 46 year old high school freshman. She was a teenage runaway for 32 years. She was a boozer, a loser and a user. But now she's back in school, although the faces may have changed, the hassles are still the same.

Episode 1 favorite quote:
It's called glint, glimmer, glow or satan's harelip.

Episode 2 favorite quote:
Is that how you say hi in whoreville?

ramblings by Whitey on 11:43 AM
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24 November

Brrrr!

It's thirty-something degrees outside and the damn a/c was running at work this morning. The university has a weather policy. According to this policy, it must be 55 degrees or colder for 3 days in a row before they'll kick the heat on. Today is only day one.

I've got the air in my hallway cranked up to 95 degrees but the damn thing keeps running. According to faclitiy services, the a/c is not generating cold air but circulating the air which happens to be cold.

First thing this morning I march into the WOMAN'S office and ask her if we can at least cut the a/c off. It seems that this expensive bohemith a/c unit does not have an off switch on site. There's a man at a control panel who control all. Anyway, the WOMAN says I'm the only one cold and that there's something wrong with me. It's 32 degrees outside, we don't have heat, the a/c is running and there's something wrong with me. My pleas go unheard.

Around 1pm the air shuts off. It seems the WOMAN's admin assistant was cold. Just as I suspected, I don't rank.

I stop by the WOMAN's office to let her know I was leaving for the day. :::cheer for the holidays::: Another staff member mentions how cold it is even though the air is off. I respond with, "see, it's not just me." To which she replies, "you put that in their heads."

I never knew I was so powerful.



ramblings by Whitey on 8:32 PM
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23 November

Brain, what brain?

I'm so tired today that I sat thru VH1 Behind the Music: Spice Girls. My brain is now filled with totally useless information about the Spice Girls that can only help me win Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit. The fact is, I'm never gonna be on Jeopardy. I just wasted an hour when I could have been sleeping.

ramblings by Whitey on 1:47 PM
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14 November

Halloween

I can't fix the weird spacing issue between this text and the pictures. Anyway, the photos seem more mysterious without captions or explainations.








ramblings by Whitey on 10:28 PM
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13 November

My secret from Mom

Mom Finds Out About Blog

This story, albeit fiction, made me consider the fact I've hidden my website from my mother for years. My mother also believes that I only have a Yahoo e-mail account. A tad bit overboard, yes, but necessary. There are just some things your mother shouldn't read. She probably wouldn't be surprised at anything she read, but I'm sure she would have some unapproving comments about sharing my personal life with the world wide web.

I got smacked in the mouth tonight during circle spar. The inside of my top lip is cut and swollen, but at least there was no blood. In a twist of events, the father of the teenage boy who smacked me apologized after class. It was a nice gesture, but I explained, those things happen, it's part of the training. Speaking of which, I must have been especially aggressive tonight because I've got bruises popping up all over my arms. My forearms are aching from blocking the kicks those teenage boys.

It also seems my limited jogging has paid off in the do jang. I was able to complete all 120 sets of leg lifts without pausing. Ok, before you think of got abs of steel, we did the leg lifts in sets of 40 in-between basics.

What should be week #2 of 5k training has morphed into week 0. The icky flu like stuff kept me from progressing. Looks like I'll repeat week #1 for a third time. My jogging inspiration, Litch, has ended his marathon training until he packs on some weight. The guy does 3 weeks of marathon training and his weight plummets. Of course if I was running 8 miles every day...I'd die.



ramblings by Whitey on 10:51 PM
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12 November

Not Gonna Do It

I got a new desk and a new computer today. Someone commented that I was now a professional. How did this happen?

I've got a lucky monkey, eating a Smartie, sharing a puppet stand with a Justin Timberlake doll on my desk. I've got Rod and Todd Flanders battling Picard over a mini pink pig that belongs in a gun that shoots pigs. Did I mention the alien garden gnome with a birthday party hat on top of my desk hutch? I've got a beer poster on my office wall. Beer, how can that be professional? I refuse to be a professional.

Sure I'd like to be a professional some day, just not today. I've got gossip to spread, practical jokes to pull, inappropriate clothes to wear and people to piss off. I will not go down without a fight!

ramblings by Whitey on 11:14 PM
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10 November

If you have a problem no one else can fix...

I've struggled with flu-like symptoms for several days so my blogging duties were neglected. Since I'm feeling better, let's catch up on events.

Karate Jim is convinced Green Belt Mike was flirting with me Friday evening at the do jang. I was there to watch the black belt testing process, as was Green Belt Mike. Karate Jim was recertifing as a black belt while watching me in the corner. Ok, that sounds like he was stalking me from afar, he wasn't... at least I don't think he was.

Convinced that Green Belt Mike is putting the moves on me, KJ hatches a diabolical plan. So in addition to taking his black belt test, watching me, eyeballing Green Belt Mike, he concocts and executes his plan. Enter Orange Belt Carla, his minion. Orange Belt Carla conveniently works her way around the room, feigning concern that some poor soul with red jeep Cherokee has left their inside dome light on. She continued with a horrible tale about a dead battery and the horrible repercussions that would follow.

Well, guess who drives a red jeep Cherokee? Guesses? anyone? Surprisingly Green Belt Mike owns a red jeep. Coincidence? I think not. Green Belt Mike rushes outside to his jeep and I remain transfixed on the testing process. Green Belt Mike returns concerned that someone was breaking into his vehicle because there was no light on. I'm guessing at this point KJ realizes the flaw in his plan, me. I didn't flee the scene when the opportunity presented itself.

Upon reflection, AND a talk with Karate Jim, it seems I was supposed to use the jeep distraction to escape Green Belt Mike's evil clutches. Orange Belt Carla failed to indicate that Green Belt Mike was a nuisance and her ruse was really an escape plan for me.

Green Belt Mike managed to piss me off with his incessant rambling, so I maneuvered my way across the room about 20 minutes later.

I feel like I've just recapped another exciting episode of the A-Team.

ramblings by Whitey on 6:13 PM
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08 November

Mongo Lives

Did anyone else at the karate clinic notice Mongo? It might have been hard to spot 'em mixed in with the crowd of inbreeds, but Mongo was there.

Candygram for Mongo!
Mongo never got a candygram before.

Ok, I'm being mean, but there was a woman, yes I said woman, who looked like Mongo from Blazing Saddles.

ramblings by Whitey on 10:08 PM
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I've Been Abducted

My Mom and Dad stopped by my house this morning while I was out at a karate clinic. I rode with Righty to the clinic so my Jeep was under the carport. My Dad was worried that I had been abducted because my watch was still on the counter. "Why would she leave without her watch?" questioned my Dad.

When I got in, there was a message from Mom to call and let her know I was alright. So I called and she told me Dad's crazy abduction idea. I explained the watch on counter was my running watch and I only wear it when I run.

My Dad thinks I've been abducted but they don't bother to call the police. What's wrong with this picture?

ramblings by Whitey on 9:37 PM
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01 November

Bathroom Battle

Changing faucet washers aren't as easy as my Dad lead me to believe. Our plumbing adventure began Thursday afternoon. Primed with all his tools because let's face it, 2 screw drivers, a hammer, a wrench and a pair of pliers hardly qualifies as tools; we began to dismantle the bathtub faucet to replace a worn washer. Three hours later we had removed the cold side thingamajig (yes that is the technical name) but we managed to fuse the hot thingamajig to the wall. I was left Thursday evening with bigger leak than the one I started with.

Reinvigorated by Sears and a good night's sleep, my Dad made another attempted to dislodge the hot side. With the help of a blowtorch and a special pair of vice pliers, the hot contraption was removed. Friday evening we tried to reassemble the new faucet hardware. According to Dad it would only take 10 minutes to reassemble everything. Ha! Ha I say again. After installing the new non-leaky hardware, we discovered the cold system would not turn into the off position. One trip to Home Depot and two hours later it looked like I would spend the entire weekend without water.

Dad actually left Friday evening without successfully repairing the cold system. I filled every available pitcher, pot, and bucket with water. Not ready to accept defeat, I took apart the cold system, compared it to the hot one, aka the working one. I noticed an extra washer on the cold side, removed it, reinstalled everything; turn the water on and BAM! it worked. I may not know anything about plumbing, but I am observant. My Dad was a miffed at how he could have missed something that simple, but I'm just glad to have water.

In other events, I'll be giving my Halloween party recap when pictures become available. Since I still don't own a digital camera, I have to rely on the kindness of others.

posted by Whitey on 12:51 PM
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