I may not know much, but I know the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Speed Kills

Dear World,

Wiki says the definition of running is the fastest means for an animal to move on foot. Notice the use of the word foot. I must have taken this to literally mean one foot, because surely I would move faster with the use of both feet.

My current running goals are to run constant 10 minute miles and to run 6 miles without taking a walk break. I might as well teach the dog to talk...it might be easier.

At lunch today I ran one mile in 10 minutes. This evening I ran two more miles at an 11:30 pace. WTF?

I hate running.

Love,
Whitey

ramblings by Whitey on 10:26 PM
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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Sore loser

Dear World,

Like many of you, I enjoy watching countless hours of Olympic coverage. Who knew rowing could be so boring? Um, only everybody. Anyway much has been said of how China might end the Olympics with more overall medals than the U.S.A. I've become fixed tracking the medal count.

Although I want the U.S.A. to kick ass in every event (a medal sweep in fencing - who knew?), if we can't be first, I'll root for any country other than China. Hell, I'll even cheer for the nasty French team if necessary.

I've tried putting the gris-gris on the Chinese gymnastics team, but they must have ancient Chinese secret to counteract it. Or the will of a billion Chinese people demanding perfection is stronger than some southern voodoo.

Also, I'd like to let the swim commentator, Rowdy Gains, know I don't care if any swim match is a close contest. I like a good old fashion ass thumping. Winning big is what America is all about.
Rowdy, you need to stop jinxing our competitors. Want the American favorite in x swim meet to lose, say something like, he hasn't lost this race in over six years of international competition! Shut up Rowdy. Maybe throw this little fact out after he has won the race.

I hold you personally accountable for all swim losses in this Olympics.

Love,
Whitey

ramblings by Whitey on 10:32 PM
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